How to be an Inspiration to Your Man!

| May 7, 2012

If you’re a black movie hippie, then you are probably familiar with the 1997 movie “Soul Food.” And if you are, then you are probably also familiar with Teri. You know, she was the one always shooting down her husband and acting like “Miss Know-it-All” throwing her accomplishments in everybody’s face and letting everyone know she always paid for everything! Yes, that was Teri! And while Teri, played by Vanessa Williams, became the exaggerated symbol of the classic snobbish black “independent” woman, who seemed to have it all – the perfect job, the looks, the perfect house and the perfect man – she was also the one seemed unlucky in love and marriage.

While Teri’s character describes very few professional women I know, it is still important that this issue be explored. Please note that I am not asking that you hold on to a bad man and continue to stroke his ego. It is not worth it. But, if all your man wants to do (after cooking you dinner, respecting you, loving you and pampering you) is be a music producer and not a lawyer, then damn it, here is how to inspire your man to be the best man for you, and for himself!

Appreciate Him: Men love (and need) to know that they are appreciated by their women. Show him that you appreciate his little efforts. If he puts gas in the car to get you to work and back home, let him know he has done something very wonderful. Never ever assume that doing these things is what he’s supposed to do anyway, so it’s no big deal. Imagine how you would feel if you did something nice for him (say you cleaned up his apartment) and he acted like it was something you were supposed to do anyway, so why bother appreciating it?

Recognize His Achievements: Have you ever accomplished something only to run to the one person you love, excited to share it with him, and he shot it down as something trivial? How did it feel? Not good, I suppose. Despite what women think, men don’t accomplish things to impress other men. They do it to impress their women. So don’t belittle his little feats with comments like “I could have done that,” or “you’re not the first person I know to fix the TV remote.” Ladies, please! Do not compete, compliment! And then watch his face light up like a little boy as he walks into the kitchen, puts on that apron and starts doing the dishes.

Encourage Him/Help Build His Confidence: This point ties into recognizing his achievements. If your man wants to quit his Wall Street job to focus on his love of fixing cars, it is not for you to tell him that fixing cars is beneath him. It is for you to realize that he wants to do something he is really passionate about; something which makes him happy. Be assured that he has probably given it a lot of thought before coming to you. Finding an unsupportive woman is the last thing he needs.

Support His Dreams: Which brings us to his dreams. Every man thinks he has the answer to all the world’s problems. If only he could go back home and start a technology business, he could fix all of Africa’s internet problems. If there is any lesson in life that you must learn from this point, it is this: never laugh at anyone’s dream – especially not your man’s. They/He will never forget it when they make it, and you will pay for that laugh for as long as you live. If you have never heard rappers rapping about those who hated on them when they were trying to find their way, you might want to start now. I’m sure their haters squirm every time they hear the song on the radio or watch the music video (with the pointed fingers) on TV. Just don’t do it, especially not to your man!

Don’t Crush His Ego: If you think he is building castles in the air and you can’t deal with this daydreamer, simply leave him – but do so by leaving him with his dignity still intact. Don’t crush his ego on your way out the door.

An older friend once told me that every time her husband came to her with an idea, she simply listened then tried to figure out how she could fit into that dream. It doesn’t have to mean giving up your dreams to help him build his. That leads to resentment. Instead, figure out how you can blend your dreams with his. If he’s your perfect match, chances are the two of you already share the same dreams and visions anyway so you won’t be giving up anything in the end.

Do you have something to add? Please do so below. I’d love to hear what’s on your mind:-)

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AFRIKAN GODDESS MAGAZINE is a subsidiary of Afrikan Goddess Media, LLC. Our content is designed with the educated, professional, classy, charming and sassy African woman in mind. We encourage women to express their creativity and ideas through writing, and also serve as a platform for meaningful discussions and exchange of ideas.

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